Features of The Podge and Rodge Show

This is a comprehensive list of features of the Irish television chatshow The Podge and Rodge Show.

Season one

 * Below is a list of items that first featured in season one.

Sligozone.net
The first series may best be remembered for Podge and Rodge's lustful fascination with Áine Chambers who they discovered online at www.sligozone.net. Each week, the two would check up on her online and later she was invited onto the show as a guest. She participated in a Blind Date spoof. She ended up taking one of the brothers on a date, which was featured on the following week's episode, to the other brother's disgust. In the end though, they realised they had little in common and a second date became an impossibility.

Áine closed SligoZone.net on January 12 2007.



Ballydung Blind Date
A game to decide who would date Áine Chambers. When asked what he was looking for in a woman Rodge replied: "A hole and a heartbeat!" Podge eventually won. They went for a dinner for two at the exclusive Ballydung Manor Restaurant and B 'n' B.

Rodge's Wrister Wreview
A feature introduced in the first series was Rodge's Wrister Wreview. It involved various items, such as books (including the autobiography of Jordan, Being Jordan), magazines and television shows receiving the expert opinion of Rodge. The items were rated on the Wrister Scale which resembled a large penis in various states of erection and flaccidity and was displayed on the side of the screen, usually in a position that Podge would find awkwardly within his personal space.

Season two

 * Below is a list of items that first featured in season two.

Ballydung Idol
Ballydung Idol featured spoofs of famous songs including "David Hasselhoff" (The Irish Hoff) performing "Jump in My Car" with "Pamela Anderson". Others to feature included the Singing Brickie, Richie Kavanagh, Bernard McHugh and Mary Harness (who performed Wuthering Heights). When the performance had reached a sufficient level of "crapiness" a squelchy fart sound erupted to halt proceedings. The level of "crap" was measured on a crapometer. The winner of Ballydung Idol was Richie Kavanagh, whose ode to Podge and Rodge managed a total of one minute and fifty-five seconds. He was presented with his "prize" at the end of the series and performed the winning song again. It contained such lyrics as: "Podge and Rodge on the telly at night, not afraid to tell you if they think you're shite."

Winning Streak
Winning Streak was a parody on the RTÉ produced gameshow of the same name. Lucy Kennedy invited streakers to film their exploits and send them into the show with extra points being awarded for things such as more daylight and public streaking.

Miss Ballydung
Miss Ballydung was a beauty contest of sorts; a cross between Miss World and The Rose of Tralee. It featured such beauties as Miss Muck, Miss Poledance Fitness and Miss Muff. Queen of the Land bottle-fed a lamb as Podge and Rodge made references to its imminent digestion by a hungry human. The final was held on the Monday 18 December 2006 episode, judged by The Rose of Tralee Catherine Feeney as well as that evening's guests Brendan Bowyer and Des Bishop. The winner was Miss Poledance Fitness (from Newry).

The Sex Toy Show
Episode fifteen of the second series, broadcast on 4 December 2006, was billed as The Sex-Toy Show, a reference to the popular annual Irish television tradition The Late Late Toy Show which had been broadcast three days earlier. Lucy and the boys were joined by a team of sexperts who unveiled some of the best selling sex-toys on the market. The guests were asked to demonstrate a number of adult toys which jokingly included an inflatable Pat Kenny. Patrick Kielty was surprised to find himself locked in a cage as the credits rolled. Following a number of complaints, an "apology" was issued on the following night's show.

Wank Mountain and Fucking
Podge and Rodge were delighted to discover some new places they would like to visit. In one episode whilst learning to use the internet, they came upon Wank, a mountain in Bavaria and the village of Fucking, near Salzburg in Austria.

Shitty Santas
Shitty Santas was a countdown of the five worst Irish santas featured on television through the years. Number one was Sean Moncrieff who was then interviewed by Podge and Rodge who dubbed him as "one of the six bald broadcasters of Ireland". (Dara Ó Briain, Mark Cagney, Ray Shah, and Anthony Murnane being the others.)

Online Celebometer
Brendan Bowyer, famous for his number one hit "The Hucklebuck", was entered on Podge and Rodge's online celebometer. They laughed as they were proved right; he was 73% Richie Kavanagh.

Feckin' Eejit of the Year Awards (FEEJITs)


On Bogmannay, Podge and Rodge handed out their very own Feckin' Eejit of the Year Awards (FEEJITs) to celebrate the great tradition of Irish Feckin' Eejitry. There were nine nominees chosen from the worlds of TV, entertainment, sport and politics. They were revealed individually at various points in the show, in the following order: Twink for her famous "zip up yer mickey" line, chef Richard Corrigan for moaning about the quality of chicken on The Late Late Show, jockey Paul O' Neill for being captured on camera headbutting his own horse City Affair after it failed to win a race, Johnny Logan for his "rap" of Hold Me Now, broadcaster Pat Kenny for the incident in which he was called a "piece of shit" live on air and U2 frontman Bono for his legal battle to win back his stetson and his trousers from his former stylist. The winner of the "prestigious" award was Late Late Show host Pat "Thank you very much for calling me a feckin arsehole" Kenny for "boring us to sleep every Friday night". (Podge)

The Celebrity Sheep Shagger Challenge
The Sheep Shagger Challenge is a celebrity game which features in the second half of the second season. It is played on Monday nights. It features Bernie the Sheep (a model as opposed to a real animal) who each week is ridden by a different celebrity. Comedian and actor Joe Rooney was the first to feature on the game and scored 19 seconds. After his experience he described himself as being "slightly aroused". George McMahon ["Mongo off Fair City"] scored a record 45 seconds in the second week of the challenge. He was followed by former Eurovision wannabe Joseph McCaul. McCaul managed 24 seconds after being told to "imagine it's your cousin".



In the 28th episode, boxing legend Michael Carruth managed an "embarrassing 8 seconds to place him below the reigning champ, Mongo from Fair City". In episode 29, former Big Brother wannabe Ray Shah lasted 17 seconds ("normally more than I usually last when I'm riding anyway"). In episode 31, celebrity celebrity Brendan Kilkenny managed 29 seconds, while in episode 33, fashion show presenter Graham Cruz managed 24 seconds. TG4 weatherman Daithí Ó Sé popped up in episode 35 but lasted only 20 seconds. Episode 37's sheep-shagger Donna McCaul, who the hosts were afraid would "give poor Bernie gingeritis", lasted 20 seconds. Episode 40 (the final episode of the second series) saw the show's presenter Lucy Kennedy rise to the challenge. She lasted "a predictably atrocious" nine seconds which left "Mongo off Fair City" to win the prize. "Mammy Mongo from Fair City, Angela" arrived to collect the prize (a bucket of chops).

ShamRock
ShamRock is a section which first featured in the second half of the second season. It sees tribute acts attempting to mimic some of the world's best known bands, always to comic effect. Examples of bands that have featured include Red Hot Chili Feckers and Atomic Chicken while individual artists have included Morrissey. The Chili Feckers received a total of 10, 10 and 2 leaving them top of the ShamRock chart until female rockers ACDShe (the eventual winners) received a score of 10 and 10 from guests Bez and Andrew Maxwell and 11 from Podge and Rodge "because I think we might be in there". Atomic Chicken received 8, 7 and 1 (from Podge and Rodge "if there was a half, we'd have given you a half").

U2 tribute act Vertigo performed the song of the same name on Tuesday February 20, and received 10 from both of that evening's guests, Sheana Keane and Russell Grant. Podge and Rodge gave the band "a big fecking 2". In an obvious reference to Grant, "we wanted to give them 10, but Mercury was in retrogade".

In episode 36 Jive Talkin' performed "Stayin' Alive". Karl Spain gave them 8, Limahl gave them 6 whilst Podge and Rodge gave them a 3 "because there's three of them".

Episode 38 saw Tizz Lizzy take to the stage to perform "The Boys Are Back in Town". They received a total of 30 points; 10 each from the two guests, Pauline McLynn and Paul Costelloe, and 10 from the hots, Podge and Rodge. However, as this was the final edition of the feature, it was not enough to stop ACDShe (31 points) from taking the title.

Winners ACDShe returned to to end the series with a bang and were presented with the Shamrock trophy by guest Biff Byford before performing again. Rodge's "special goodbye for everyone" involved him rocking out to "Thunderstruck".

At the end of the episode 26 Podge and Rodge revealed that they had been inundated with bands wanting to appear that they had to cancel some of the poorer ones. Some of the acts that were cancelled included The Police tribute act ("simply for lack of imagination") called The Gardaí and the she-male Mary Black.




 * ShamRock Scoreboard


 * Score 1 and Score 2 indicate the points out of ten given by that evening's guests.
 * P&R Score indicates the points out of ten given by Podge and Rodge.

Gifted or Afflicted
This is a feature which sees a random "freak" pulled out out to display a unique talent. The audience must then decide if they are "gifted or afflicted". Acts to have featured thus far include a girl who can turn her eyelids inside out and a man who can swallow billiard balls and bank notes and regurgitate them. Of this man, Podge and Rodge said they believed he was "infected more like!". Also featured was a man called Daniel Murphy, a 22 year-old physics student, who could snort wine and cry it from his left eye. Nadia from Galway featured in episode 37 and was able to insert her finger into the back of her eye and clean it to cries of "That is sick!" from the hosts.

The Ring Or The Finger
Podge and Rodge set out in the hope of finding The Podge & Rodge Show's Perfect Couple 2007 in this feature. "The Ring Or The Finger" was introduced in the 25th episode of the second season. It saw a random couple selected from the audience and subjected to a spinning wheel which would decide on the questions they would be asked. Whichever label the index and middle fingers pointed to that would be the type of question asked. Previous to this they would have been subjected to scenarios on the streets of Ireland, whereby they would be placed in tricky situations that would test the boundaries of fidelity. If the other half guessed correctly what the outcome was they would gain a few hundred points, but if they guessed wrongly they would lose a few hundred points. The highest finishing couple on the leaderboard at the end of the season would be The Podge & Rodge Show's Perfect Couple 2007 and would receive a "special prize". Podge and Rodge have assured the audience that they will keep their word.

National and International Local News
This feature saw Podge and Rodge take on the roles of news anchors, sporting trendy spectacles and repeatedly uttering "thank you" to Lucy when finished. Podge, Rodge and Lucy shared unusual stories with an occasional misspelt heading or pun from the local newspapers around the country. Some of the big stories covered included an article entitled "Porno Rabbit comes to Donegal" from the Donegal Democrat, a misspelling of a film ("Smokin' Asss") by Bundoran multiplex, and the story from The Louth People that stated Louth people were "more intelligent". This was mocked because it did not appear in any other newspaper outside County Louth. "That story reported in Louth and obviously nowhere else", uttered Lucy scathingly.

A solemn Rodge informed the viewers that Willy the Donkey was still missing in Ballinafad. Up next was Podge who repeatedly paused for effect. "While in Mullingar, we don't sell houses in Mullingar say Comaskey Properties... of Mullingar. Well they know best I suppose. They're based... in Mullingar." It was over to Rodge to end the bulletin: "And finally... need a job? Horetown House in Foulksmills, County Wexford needs staff!"

Operation!
This was a game played by the guest Sheana Keane. She was whisked into the basement of Ballydung Manor by Nurse Lucy. Podge and Rodge popped up beside a table covered in bloodied bandages and asked Sheana: "Have you ever killed a man on national telly?". Sheana was then asked to don a surgical mask and remove three items from "Hector" in sixty seconds. She failed as each time she removed an item the game buzzed. The third and final body area was the "ball sac" and following this Podge and Rodge expressed their dismay at how quickly the game had ended. It was supposed to last the full sixty seconds. Hector had apparently been brought from England at great cost.

102 Things To Buy In Lidl and Aldi Before You Die
This was an opening feature to episode 28. It was exactly what it says in the title albeit with a typical number of twists attached.

Pimp My Bryan
This was a game that featured on episode 32 and involved guest Ryan Tubridy. The name was purposefully changed to Bryan following the hosts' mockery of his guests (Ainsley Harriott in particular) inabilty to remember his name. It involved Podge and Rodge's attempts to restyle chat-show host Tubridy to give him an appearance similar to that of American chat-show hosts. This was done by airbrushing features of other 34 -year-olds (even though Ryan claimed to still only be 33) onto an image of Tubridy. He was first given Hollywood actor Stephen Dorff's "beefy chest", followed by Snoop Dogg's jacket and was finished off with a "Russell tussle".

Sixty Second Superstar
Featured on episode 38 was former Six star Andy Orr, of whom Podge and Rodge commented: "more like twenty-five seconds and a kick in the nuts!"

Art Attack
Featured on episode 40 (the final episode of the series), it was a game where guest Biff Byford guessed the names of bands from album covers with the titles removed. Thrown in "for the craic" was Daniel O'Donnell's "Teenage Dreams".



Season three

 * Below is a list of items that first featured in season three.

Ballydung's Grot Talent
Ballydung's Grot Talent, sees auditioning of freaks take place over nine weeks with judges Lucy Kennedy and Brendan Kilkenny travelling to almost 32 counties, beginning with Port Laoise (with guest judge Declan Nerney). Lucy Kennedy described it as "You're A Star gone wrong" on Ray D'Arcy's radio show on Today FM on Wednesday September 26. Podge and Rodge described it as "another piss-poor talent search... just what RTÉ needs!" The Port Laoise winner was "prancing priest" Mr. Noel Creegan who did an Egyptian dance in episode one of the third series. The winner from the Cavan auditions, held in Mustang Sally's with special guest judge Kathy Durkin, was Paddy Tunney, a stiltwalker from Drumlish, County Longford (coincidentally the hometown of previous judge Declan Nerney). Paddy danced with Lucy at the end of episode three acquiring ridicule from Podge and Rodge for being a midget. Episode five's winner from the Dublin auditions was "the self-proclaimed master of the universe, Mr. Aidan Walsh!". Rodge's response to his performance was: "What the fuck was that?!" Episode eight's auditions took place in the Wexford Arts Centre with Richie Kavanagh as guest judge. The winner was "Philip Pearse and his spunky bodhran" - "I like a man who can make music from his meat!" - Rodge. In episode twelve Lucy went to Leitrim where the north-western heats took place in the Ballroom of Romance in Glenfarne, with guest judge Bernard McHugh. Podge wasn't satisfied with the auditions: "There's bales of briquettes with more talent than that lot!" The winner's talent was downing a pint with a spoon stuck firmly up his nose. Episode thirteen showed the Limerick auditions. Guest judge was Radio 1 jock, Lorcan Murray and the winner was MC Lint.



Rock 'n Roulette
A feature where current rock bands have a one in ten chance to play a song of their own or a classic track chosen by Podge and Rodge. In episode two Republic of Loose were forced to play Mama's Boys metal track "Needle in the Groove" in their own style. They had five minutes to learn the song or face being renamed as "Republic of Losers". Warlords of Pez were the second band to feature and having spun the wheel were forced to make do with the Falco hit "Rock Me Amadeus". Podge and Rodge poked fun at them as the show went for a break, calling them "Gaylords of Lez" and commenting on their dress sense: "Look at the state of them!" and "There's bits hangin' off them!" Ham Sandwich featured on the Halloween special that was episode six. On episode eight "the Delmontes" were forced to sing 90s rave song "No Limits" by 2 Unlimited instead of their own song, "Do You Realise?", with Podge needing some refreshment at the break: "Crack open a bottle of Cillit Bang there brother!" Episode ten saw "The Future Drings of Pain/Future Stinks of Lame" perform the Eric Clapton song "Cocaine". "The Flawdoctors" featured in episode twelve, performing The Knack's "My Sharona" instead of their single, "You & I". In episode fourteen, "The Coroners/The Cortinas" performed Lionel Richie's "Hello" instead of their own "San Diego Song", with Rodge wanting to know which of them was Mary Black's son and sympathising with him for being "the only man in Ireland who doesn't want to shag her."

Lucy-Lookie-Likie
Taunting Lucy Kennedy on her imminent wedding, Podge and Rodge have invited viewers to send in their very own Lucy look-a-likes. In episode three they began with their own photo of "Bridget the Midget". Episode nine saw an entry by Michael from Ballyragget, Lucy's "fanny tranny" lookalike. At the end of the episode, it was revealed that eight viewers had suggested that Lucy resembled Shirley Temple-Bar.

The X Tractor
A new agri-celebrity time-trial. "The Ploughing Championships meets Top Gear" according to Podge. A celebrity must reverse a tractor through an obstacle course in Podge and Rodge's back field that includes passing through the Pond of Panda Piss, down the Slide of Shite, past a dancing priest (who exposes himself), over Glenda Gilson's eyebrows, driving through Tubs 'n' Trials before finally avoiding the cowpat in a benchmark example of 1 minute and 24 seconds set by "The Gimp". Episode 4 saw Bláthnaid Ní Chofaigh undergo the challenge. However she merely succeeded in crashing the tractor to the twosome's disgust. "You couldn't reverse a soapy finger up your own hole!" Needless to say she managed a zero on the X Tractor Scoreboard where she was labelled Bláthnaid Ní Ging. Podge and Rodge then grew irritated by the audience's clapping and cheering, yelling at them to stop: "She broke our feckin' X Tractor!" Episode 7 saw Killian O'Sullivan a.k.a. Lorcan from Fair City manage 1 minute and 28 seconds on the X Tractor Scoreboard (albeit by leaping through Ryan Tubridy's face: "Just jumpin' through Ryan Tubridy's head felt so good!"). Rodge was shocked to see him in one piece: "Hang on a second! Sure you're supposed to be dead! Sure didn't I see you gettin' shot with me own two googly eyes!" Episode 9 saw Latif, a former body-double for Uday Hussein, ride the tractor. Podge tried to encorage him to drive through Ryan Tubridy: "He's like the Saddam Hussein of Ireland!" Latif completed the obstacle course in 1 minute and 27 seconds, putting him second on the leaderboard.

Ballydung Twin Towns
The search for Ireland's most Ballydung-ish town.

You've Been Burned
A game in episode seven which saw guest Pete Burns recall quotes he'd made about Jodie Marsh, Dave Bowie ("He's Val Doonican in a better suit."), Marilyn Manson ("He looks like a hard-boiled egg.") and Pete Waterman ("I can't bear to be in the same room as him - the same building is tolerable.") - "Ah, he's produced a load of shite!" (Rodge). "A load of old shite! Some of that old shite is mine!" (Pete).

Blingin' or Mingin'
Celia Holman Lee played this game in episode seven. She had to tell whether various outfits modelled by some lovely ladies ("Upstairs, second room on the right! Turn the electric blanket on!" - Rodge) were cheap or expensive, with outfits being mixed and matched to confuse her.

Plastic Fantastic or Botched Surgery
Toyah Willcox played this game in episode eight after discussing her own dealings with cosmetic surgery. She had to distinguish between surgery or purgery. The victims included the Bride of Wildenstein, David Gest and a chimp and Lucy Kennedy with her Christmas present (inflated breasts).

Amhráin na Bodhrán
This game was played by Liam Ó Maonlaí in episode eight with "the spunky Philip fella from earlier" wheeled in to play tunes with his mickey. This livened Liam up a bit since he'd been very quiet up until that point. "I can't believe what I just saw! It just came out from his trousers!" But he was unable to guess any of the songs being played: U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday", his own song with Hothouse Flowers, "Don't Go" and "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot - "Well I think that's great!" said he dryly.



National and International Local News
This feature from season two reurned in episode ten of season three. A newspaper headline was ridiculed for proclaiming there was no injury in an accident in Athlone: "Thank fuck for that!" whilst RTÉ's website coverage of an incident in New York with the headline: "Politician charged with battery" was also lampooned for its unintentional pun.

Kennedy Komment Korner
A place for Lucy Kennedy to vent her frustrations and have an opinion. In episode fourteen she expressed her happiness with Boyzone getting back together. Podge and Rodge were scathing.